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I wish that I could remember how to write.
I wish that I could recall the business of putting pen to paper and blindly watching the ink unravel itself across a surface of textured napkin and smooth paper, squished onto envelopes and yellow post-it notes. Pieces of me fragmented and scattered with hubristic abandon around the house. Crammed into notebooks, stuck to dresser drawers and the doors of cabinets.
Even if I gather them up, now they are just noise in my hands, pre-celluloid images without reference. Tattered, beggared beginnings and a few corners without a story.
I wish that I could recall the business of putting pen to paper and blindly watching the ink unravel itself across a surface of textured napkin and smooth paper, squished onto envelopes and yellow post-it notes. Pieces of me fragmented and scattered with hubristic abandon around the house. Crammed into notebooks, stuck to dresser drawers and the doors of cabinets.
Even if I gather them up, now they are just noise in my hands, pre-celluloid images without reference. Tattered, beggared beginnings and a few corners without a story.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 02:52 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 03:35 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 03:39 pm (UTC)From:I'm sorry you're going through what you are. I wish I could help.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 04:53 pm (UTC)From:Anyway, to sum it all up. I go through periods where I WANT to write and for some reason can't get there. Looking back I see that over the last four years, I do it at least once a year. I swear that I will never write again and then prove myself to be a liar. It's part of the cycle of writing and unless you're hypergraphic then you can't get out of it. It sucks because as strong as my compulsion to write is, is as strong as my feelings of inadequacy towards the craft. Of course every time I feel like this, it's the worse case of writer's block EVER and I will never write again!
Writer's can be SO melodramatic. ;)
Writing academically can be a hinderance as well because it can be a challenge to switch between styles and voices. Academic and creative writing require very different elements and that can be awkward to negotiate between the two.
I'll come out of it. I always do. Part of my aprehension, I think, is because of the fact that I actually killed of Agatha (my bitch muse) in that bit of Twilight drivel I concoted last. Although, I don't think she's really dead, just pouting. I imagine that when I start writing again, she will show up all tanned and relaxed with a gorgeous dark-haired, dark-eyed babe loitering in the background and carrying her hat boxes.