because it's one a.m. and I'm obviously not having sex

[seraphcelene]

He's a benighted arachnophobic gangster looking for 'the Big One.' She's a cosmopolitan Bolivian bounty hunter descended from a line of powerful witches. They fight crime!

courtesy of They Fight Crime

Ah! your irresistible thrust has murdered at once my maidenhead, and very nearly me!
courtesy of Victoria Sex Cry generator

Behold, thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O ye dabbler in abominations!

courtesy of Biblical Curse Geneator