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Birthdays are happy things. "I am happy that you were born" is what people mean when they wish you a Happy Birthday (and if they don't mean that, well, then they should). Birthdays are happy things, but sometimes they are also sad, or magical or difficult or cranky, or lamented. Sometimes birthdays exist in varying combinations.
My birthday has been a little bit of everything. I've been celebrating since Friday night because even if no one else is, right now, I am happy that I was born. I like me mostly as I am, even if no one else does. Not that I worry, because my people love me, of that I am quite sure.
Friday was difficult, it rained all day. The heavens have been weeping over Southern California for well over a week. Long Beach has been flooded and I have been challenged to stay warm and keep my feet dry. Friday was also cranky. I was PMS'ing and bored and not looking forward to driving in the rain. But I had tickets to see Kooza, Cirque du Soleil's most recent traveling show. So, I went home and changed clothes and dolled up just the littlest bit and drove in the rain to Irvine, to where a big blue and yellow tent waved flags at me and invited me to smile despite the rain. We have a history, me and that tent, and part of the reason that I went was to indulge in a little old fashion nostalgia. And it was perfect. Someone told me I was "stunningly beautiful", the show was exciting and frightening and endearing, by turns and I was nearly part of the show. On Friday, my birthday was magical.
Saturday, my birthday began sad and difficult. People called me about my student loans and there seems to be some confusion that must now be untangled. I went shopping for shoes that I should not have bought, and that will shortly be returned, in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. Standing in the mirror at the store, trying on clothes that I knew I wasn't going to buy, I stared at all my gray hairs (thanks, Mom!) and recalled that earlier phone call and decided that I was old and tired. So, I began to lament the fact that my birthday was just around the corner.
But then there was lunch with a dear friend and her boyfriend, to which they brought my gorgeous red and orange and yellow Gerber daisies. We had coffee and crepes and talked for two hours. We covered everything, lamentations about age and regrets, the joy of kdramas, the terror of panic attacks. When we parted my birthday was a happy one again.
Then there was dinner with friends at a Peruvian restaurant. I was given gifts and fried plantains and beer. There was awesome company and good conversation. I am loved. A Happy Birthday.
Sunday, the Colts decided they really did want to go to the Super Bowl and shut down the Jets. I slept lots and cleaned some and ate leftovers and popcorn with M & M's. I read romance novels and a few pages of Anansi Boys and my birthday continued to be good.
Today I am officially 33. Today has been a very good day. I had calls and emails and Facebook messages. Friends bought me Sushi and Girl Scout Cookies and told me they loved me. I am happy. There are eleven months of question marks stretched out ahead of me and this birthday doesn't feel like doom. There is a red velvet cupcake in my refrigerator with a white candle stuck in the middle just waiting to be lit. I am pondering what wish I will make. But if I can't think of one, I will just say thank you. Because today, thirty-three years ago, I was born.
My birthday has been a little bit of everything. I've been celebrating since Friday night because even if no one else is, right now, I am happy that I was born. I like me mostly as I am, even if no one else does. Not that I worry, because my people love me, of that I am quite sure.
Friday was difficult, it rained all day. The heavens have been weeping over Southern California for well over a week. Long Beach has been flooded and I have been challenged to stay warm and keep my feet dry. Friday was also cranky. I was PMS'ing and bored and not looking forward to driving in the rain. But I had tickets to see Kooza, Cirque du Soleil's most recent traveling show. So, I went home and changed clothes and dolled up just the littlest bit and drove in the rain to Irvine, to where a big blue and yellow tent waved flags at me and invited me to smile despite the rain. We have a history, me and that tent, and part of the reason that I went was to indulge in a little old fashion nostalgia. And it was perfect. Someone told me I was "stunningly beautiful", the show was exciting and frightening and endearing, by turns and I was nearly part of the show. On Friday, my birthday was magical.
Saturday, my birthday began sad and difficult. People called me about my student loans and there seems to be some confusion that must now be untangled. I went shopping for shoes that I should not have bought, and that will shortly be returned, in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. Standing in the mirror at the store, trying on clothes that I knew I wasn't going to buy, I stared at all my gray hairs (thanks, Mom!) and recalled that earlier phone call and decided that I was old and tired. So, I began to lament the fact that my birthday was just around the corner.
But then there was lunch with a dear friend and her boyfriend, to which they brought my gorgeous red and orange and yellow Gerber daisies. We had coffee and crepes and talked for two hours. We covered everything, lamentations about age and regrets, the joy of kdramas, the terror of panic attacks. When we parted my birthday was a happy one again.
Then there was dinner with friends at a Peruvian restaurant. I was given gifts and fried plantains and beer. There was awesome company and good conversation. I am loved. A Happy Birthday.
Sunday, the Colts decided they really did want to go to the Super Bowl and shut down the Jets. I slept lots and cleaned some and ate leftovers and popcorn with M & M's. I read romance novels and a few pages of Anansi Boys and my birthday continued to be good.
Today I am officially 33. Today has been a very good day. I had calls and emails and Facebook messages. Friends bought me Sushi and Girl Scout Cookies and told me they loved me. I am happy. There are eleven months of question marks stretched out ahead of me and this birthday doesn't feel like doom. There is a red velvet cupcake in my refrigerator with a white candle stuck in the middle just waiting to be lit. I am pondering what wish I will make. But if I can't think of one, I will just say thank you. Because today, thirty-three years ago, I was born.
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Date: 2010-01-26 06:10 am (UTC)From:Thank you!!