Jul. 24th, 2006

seraphcelene: (by violetsmiles)
I am baffled, confused and otherwise clueless. Love and all of its attendant emotions irritate the crap out of me because I just don't get it. Not to mention that I totally dislike the knotty, heart-skipping, skin-crawling, spine-tingling-ness of crushing on someone. I don't like to like people like that. It's not fun. It's not cool. AND IT MAKES ME IRRITABLE.

John Cusack in the rain, remember him? Well, I saw him at Fourth of July and he gave me puppy dog eyes and I just didn't want to even go over to talk to him, which I barely did, because dude, he hasn't called not. one. time. since Sin's birthday in May. And YET! He stands by the stairs and asks me as I head to the bathroom if I'm coming back.

Yeah, right! Move over, boy-o, you've been replaced.

And yet, and yet! This is the guy who totally declared his affection for me in the freaking RAIN! How much more teen-, chick-lit can you get! I'd have to be completely cast iron not to respond. And I did. And then he never called. Not that I really care because I didn't really care for him anyway. It was the moment!

The guy that I do like. The sax player from San Francisco, newly moved to Oceanside, is so VAGUE that it drives me out of my tree. The thing that I most adore about him, his passion for his music, is the same thing that I find annoying. I can feel the interest, but he gets SO distracted that I usually wind up feeling stupid because I can't tell if he's paying attention. And yet. And yet, he IS interested. I can feel it and I've been told by more than one person and when he does focus on me, he really FOCUSES. This is fucking crazy cause now, I'm all: No, more Mountain Dew, I've had enough! And there is no reason that any of you should get that reference and I'll explain it to you later!

So, then I'm over it and I move on, at least I think I do. But then something comes up where someone mentions him or randomly I think about him, and good grief, then I'm obsessed all over again. And if I see him, then all I want to do is crawl down his fucking throat. But he's so intent and shy that I don't want to scare him, so I can't even be my usual ballsy self. Because usually I DON'T CARE. But this time, this time ... I could really get my feelings hurt.

This sucks.

Love sucks!

I HATE YOU LOVE! I really, really do ...

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seraphcelene

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